"... For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.
"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
~Ephesians 5:22-33 New Living Translation (NLT)
All throughout the New Testament, God uses the sacred union of man and wife as an illustration of His love for us who are called by His name. It is a beautiful illustration, and if you grew up in the church you have probably heard it used more times than you can remember. But have you ever stopped to wonder why the authors of the New Testament used marriage as an analogy for the relationship between Christ and the church? If not, that's perfectly fine. I didn't really give it much thought either. Until I married my wife, that is.
Ever since I was young I had heard it said that men and women think differently. And indeed it is true, the minds of women are complex, multi-tasking machines that can think of multiple concepts, and feel multiple emotions at once; while the male mind is generally much more regimented—we compartmentalize our thoughts and feelings, focusing most, if not all, of our mental energy on a single task or thought until the task is completed or the thought is fully exhausted. We then put it out of our mind and move on to something else.
The difference in the mental processes between men and women has been attributed to the fact that the longitudinal fissure (the deep grove separating the right and left hemispheres of the brain) is much shallower in women, thus allowing the left and right hemispheres of their brains to communicate much more easily than those of their male counterparts. This biological difference is what gives women their incredible multi-tasking abilities, while at the same time granting men the ability to compartmentalize their thoughts and emotions.
This means that my wife may still be thinking about something long after I've moved on to something else, and that she might continue to dwell on it until the issue is adequately resolved--which may be days, weeks, or sometimes even months later. I, on the other hand, usually seem to forget about things as soon as the conversation is over, because in my mind, the issue is resolved.
More often than not, this difference in the way our minds work has lead my wife and I into many late-night conversations, during which my wife has had to patiently explain to me all of the details of when the issue first occurred so that I can go through my mental filing cabinet and remember what it was we were talking about in the first place. Most of the time, when all is said and done, I find out that all she really wanted was a hug and to hear me say: "I love you."
Even though I knew of these biological and mental differences between men and women, it was not until I was a few months into my marriage that I began to understand their true significance in the grand scheme of things.
The way that women can remember details and emotions (both negative and positive) long after the events actually happened is very reminiscent of how we all remember every mistake we've ever made. We know we are sinners, and we can easily let ourselves dwell on the shortcomings of our past. Yet God has said that we are loved, that He has forgiven us, and that He no longer remembers our sins after we give our lives to Him. (
Psalms 103:12,
Jeremiah 31:31-34,
Hebrews 8-10 etc.)
This is one of the reasons I feel that God used marriage as an illustration for His relationship with his people throughout scripture. He loves us unconditionally and has forgiven us through Jesus Christ. He no longer remembers the sins of those who have put their trust in Him because of what Jesus has done for us. We no longer need to dwell on things that have passed, nor do we need to remember the sins God has cleansed us of. We are blameless in His sight, a bride dressed in white waiting for her groom. (
Revelation 19:6-9)
That said, because marriage is a picture of God's love and forgiveness for those who will trust in Him, our enemy the Devil will stop at nothing to destroy marriage—it is an affront to him and his agenda. In the past few decades, he has grown increasingly bold in his attacks against marriage, seeking to destroy families by marring and redefining this symbol of God's love by any means necessary.
Therefore, we must be willing to stand up and fight to defend this sacred union between husband (man) and wife (woman) by living out our own marriages the way God intended. (
Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7) We must also remember to pray for one another, and for our own spouses. If your marriage is in danger don't surrender—fi
ght! Divorce is lawful only in the case of marital unfaithfulness or abuse, and even then God meant for it to be be used as a last resort, not a quick and easy way out. Giving up on each other is never an option in God's eyes. (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18) So if your marriage is in trouble, don't get a divorce—
get help, and get help together! The last thing you want to do is let your marriage become another notch in the Devil's belt.
