When a typical person thinks of Christians and the Church, sexuality is probably not the first thing that comes to mind. However, many would probably be surprised to learn that the Bible not only condones sex but also encourages it. So much so that an entire book of the Old Testament is dedicated to the topic—Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs, depending on the translation.)
Despite the ancient verse and poetic language, Song of Solomon clearly depicts sexuality between a husband and his wife in ways that would have been considered quite explicit—if not scandalous—in its day.
Not only does God's Word contain an entire book dedicated to sexuality in the Old Testament, the Apostle Paul devoted most of 1 Corinthians 7 to the topic as well.
"Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
"The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
"Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
~ 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5 New Living Translation (NLT)
According to God's Word, sex is good. God created sex when he created the world. It was, therefore, among those things God called "very good" in Genesis 1:31. However, sex was not meant to be used flippantly. When God created man, he created woman to be there with him because it was "not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)
He created them both, male and female, in his image, (The Hebrew word for "image" in Genesis 1:27 refers to a "reflection", meaning that both man and woman reflect some of the qualities of God. i.e. reason, creativity, and love, etc.) to live together with him forever in perfect love and unity.
However, the man and the woman disobeyed God and separated themselves from him and each other when they sinned. (Genesis 3)
From that point on, the perfect, loving relationship God intended for us was marred by sin. And sexuality was no exception. What was originally intended to be used between a man and a woman within the permanent protection and ever-deepening relationship of marriage quickly devolved into immorality and lust.
It is this lustful, erotic passion (Eros) that is often mistaken for, and portrayed as, love (Agape) in today's society. That said, there is a difference between 'love' and 'lust,' just as there is a difference between sexuality in marriage and sexual immorality.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New Living Translation (NLT)
Put simply, genuine, unconditional love is thinking of others before yourself and putting their needs first. Lust on the other hand does the exact opposite:
Unrestrained lust has no patients; it demands immediate satisfaction, and is therefore unkind and inconsiderate of others.
Lust is jealous; it seeks control over and objectifies others.
Lust is boastful, proud, and rude.
Lust always demands it's own way, and when someone who is acting out of lust does not get their way they become irritable and will often keep a record of how many times they have been "wronged."
In the most extreme cases of lust—i.e. rape, spousal abuse, etc.—lust scoffs at truth and rejoices in taking pleasure from injustice.
Lust gives up on people when it's demands are not met, leading to broken relationships, infidelity, or worse.
Lust causes many who have faith to abandon their faith in order to fulfill their immoral passions.
Lust has no hope, and because of it's self-serving nature, lust cannot endure all things.
In short, uncontrolled Lust will destroy everything it touches (Job 31:11-12) whereas unconditional love and sex in marriage are meant to build each other up in a lasting and meaningful way.
This is why the Bible celebrates and encourages sexuality in marriage: because that is where sex was meant to be experienced and enjoyed to the fullest. Lust and sexual immorality will never satisfy. Giving in to erotic passion is like drinking salt water in the desert—you will only make yourself more thirsty.
One such example of this can be found in 2 Samuel 13:1-22 where the 'love' of King David's son Amnon quickly turned to hate after he raped his half-sister, Tamar. Amnon never truly loved her, he just wanted to have sex with her. And once he had given into sexual immorality, he found that it did not satisfy. Ultimately Amnon's lustful indiscretion would lead to his death at the hands of Tamar's brother, Absalom. (2 Samuel 13:23-29)
The Bible is filled with countless other examples of sexuality gone awry. Furthermore, both the Old and New Testaments are rife with references to sexual immorality (i.e. Romans 1:18-32) and sin. Which is why many Christians over the centuries have struggled to understand their God-given sexual needs—myself included.
But what sin has marred, God has redeemed through his Son, Jesus Christ. Because of him, the loving relationship that was severed when Adam and Eve sinned has been restored for all those who believe!
That said, it is a sad truth that the Church has branded sex as evil in the past, when God himself called it "very good." Sadder still is the fact that many outside the church perceive Christians as being anti-sexual or celibate, when in reality Christians should embrace their sexuality. Not by the world's standard of immoral, lustful, self-indulgence; but rather in the purest sense of sexuality. As Christians we should be champions of sexuality, living our lives in such a way as to show those around us what sex in a healthy, loving, self-sacrificial marriage looks like. We should not indulge in immorality. Instead we should live our lives to glorify God—in the bedroom and beyond—just as he has called us to do.
